Courage the Cowardly Dog
Courage the Cowardly Dog

This article is a transcript of the Courage the Cowardly Dog episode "Bad Hair Day" from season 2, which aired on May 18, 2001.

This transcript is

(In a room at Growth Industries, three board members stare at a pile of money on a table, illuminated by a spotlight.)

Board Director: Is it my imagination or have our piles of cash gotten smaller?

Man 1: Yes, sir.

Man 2: Yes, sir, it's much smaller.

Board Director: We must be running out of subjects with blood type ABXYZ again. All in favor of finding new subjects, oink like a big, fat pig.

(The other men oink like pigs for a few seconds.)

Board Director: That's it, then. We find new subjects. Hohauser, start making calls.

(Cut to Dr. Vindaloo's clinic. A phone on a table rings. Dr. Vindaloo picks it up with one hand, while his other hand squeezes a blood pressure cuff attached to an unseen patient.)

Dr. Vindaloo: (into the phone) Dr. Vindaloo. (Person on phone chatters) I'm sorry, but it would be unethical to share my patient's personal information with--(more chattering from phone) How much? (more phone chattering) That much? What do you want to know? (more phone chattering) ABXYZ is a very rare blood type. I do have one patient with that blood type.

(The camera pans over to show that the Dr, Vindaloo's current patient is Muriel. He picks up her medical chart, glances at it, then looks at her with interest.

Cut to the Bagge farmhouse. There is a knock at the front door. Muriel goes to answer the door. Before her stands a middle aged man in a blue suit, reading from a folder labelled "CONFIDENTIAL.")

Board Director: Muriel Bagge? Blood type ABXYZ?

Muriel: Yes? Can I help you?

Board Director: Growth Industries would like you to participate in our, uh... research for science and things like that.

(Courage clings to the back of Muriel's dress. He growls at the stranger.)

Board Director: Growth Industries is prepared to offer you this much money. (pulls a stack of cash about half a foot high out of his jacket)

(Eustace enters from off screen and reaches out for the money.)

Eustace: We'll take it!

Muriel: (slapping Eustace's hand away) Now, Eustace, don't be greedy. (to the board director) I'm sorry, but I've got sewing to do.

Courage: Mm-hm. (growls again)

Board Director: How about this much? (pulls out a stack of cash about as tall as his head)

Eustace: Gaah! (reaches for the money again, but Muriel slaps his hand away) Oh! Eeh...(grumbling)

Muriel: I'm sorry, but my answer is no.

Board Director: Have it your way. We'll be in touch.

(Cut to the living room, later in the day. The phone rings. Muriel walks over and answers it.)

Muriel: Hello?

(A person chatters on the phone to Muriel for several seconds. Eustace and Courage walk up behind her to see what is happening.)

Muriel: Well, okay. If you insist. (hangs up the phone, then turns to Eustace) The hospital wants me to spend a few days there so they can make sure my spleen is hooked up right.

(Tires screeching can be heard outside.)

Eustace: Your spleen is hooked up fine. Now, what about me food?

(A pair of burly guards dressed in green uniforms burst into the house, and drag Muriel away by the arms.)

Muriel: Still, it pays to be an the safe side. I wouldn't want my spleen to get tangled...or whatever it is spleens do.

(Muriel is dragged out the door by the men. A car is heard quickly driving away.)

Courage: Ooh!

Eustace: Stupid dog. It's probably your fault her spleen is twisted. And now I've got nothing to eat.

(Courage goes to the kitchen, stands on a chair to reach the phone, and calls Dr. Vindaloo.)

Courage: (frantic babbling, hopping up and down on the chair)

(We see Dr. Vindaloo in his office. His room is filled with sacks of cash, as well as money filling the cabinets to bursting. The clinic has now been fitted with a hot tub and crystal chandelier. The doctor himself sits in the hot tub, wearing gaudy necklaces, bracelets, and rings. He listens to Courage babble.)

Dr. Vindaloo: Muriel Bagge? No, I cannot tell you anything about her. It would be unethical to reveal my patient's personal information. So, please don't call me again unless there is big bucks involved. (starts playing with a toy boat and toy submarine in his hot tub) Did I say that out loud? Ha-ha-ha. I was confused by my submarine.

(Back to Bagge farm. Courage hangs up the phone.)

Courage: Muriel's in trouble!

(A thought bubble appears next to Courage's head. He imagines Muriel in a pool of water, surrounded by circling sharks.)

Imaginary Muriel: (screams and trembles)

(The thought bubble disappears.)

Courage: (screams, then hops off of the chair)

(Cut to Dr. Vindaloo's clinic. Courage sneaks into the office. Vindaloo is still in the hot tub, playing with the boat and submarine.)

Dr. Vindaloo: (happily muttering, and making "Bing!" noises, imitating a sonar)

(Courage sneaks over to a file cabinet and opens the drawer. He thumbs through the patient files until he finds Muriel's: a blue folder with "CONFIDENTIAL" on the front. He opens it up and looks at the contents for a moment.)

Courage: (notices something, then gasps and shakes)

Dr. Vindaloo: (holding up the submarine) I love my submarine. It's so pretty.

(Cut to the farmhouse. Eustace looks at Muriel's medical file, and sees a "Property of Growth Industries" stamp on the second page.)

Eustace: Huh? "Property of Growth Industries?"

Courage: (hops around and babbles)

Eustace: Why, that double-crossing Growth Industries! They took Muriel after she said no. Well, I'm not putting up with this!

Courage: Mm-mm! (nods his head)

Eustace: If they got Muriel, they're gonna pay.

Courage: Mm-hmm! (nods again)

Eustace: In cash. Lots of cash!

(Cut to the exterior of Growth Industries, a large gray building with large windows on all sides. Eustace and Courage drive the truck to the building and stop in front. They walk up the stairs to the main entrance. After a moment, the doors slide open to reveal Ma Bagge standing on the other side.)

Eustace and Courage: (scream)

Eustace: Ma, what are you doing here?

Ma: (faces Courage) Oh, hello, Courage. Good to see you. (to Eustace) Yeah. Hi, stupid boy.

Eustace: (growls)

Ma: I got a new job running this place. Didn't I tell you? I'm the bigwig.

Eustace: You never told me that. You never tell me anything. You got Muriel in there?

Ma: Muriel who?

Eustace: Me wife!

Ma: Never heard of her. Goodbye.

(Ma walks away and the doors start to close. Eustace steps a foot into the path of the doors, keeping them from closing all the way. They open again.)

Eustace: I think you got Muriel in there. And if you do, I want me money.

(Ma walks back up to Eustace and Courage.)

Ma: Well, if you don't believe me, I'll show you. (grabs Eustace by the nose and pulls him inside) Come on, stupid boy.

Eustace: (yells in pain)

(Courage follows Eustace and Ma inside, and the doors close behind them. Mellow music plays over speakers in the building. Ma leads the pair down a hallway. They stop at the first window on the left and look through. Inside, two people, a large man and a skinny woman are seated at a table. They both have long hair, reaching to the floor. They both eat from bowls of light yellow, fluffy hair.)

Ma: This is the Hair for Hunger Institute, where we turn hair into food to feed hungry people.

(Ma leads them to the next room on the right. Inside the room are three people who are suspended from hooks by their hair. They swing back and forth from the hooks rhythmically. There is a fourth spot where some hair is still tied to a hook, but it was likely ripped from the unfortunate person's scalp.)

Ma: Team Hair...where we're developing all sorts of hair sports.

(Ma leads her son and his dog to a final room. Inside, a woman sits under her massive crown of hair, fashioned into a hut. There is even a little window hole cut out from the side.)

Ma: Hair for Housing...where people grow their own homes.

(Cut to the front door of Growth Industries. Ma pushes Courage and Eustace out onto the front step.)

Ma: Okay? Satisfied?

Eustace: Oh, sure, Ma. I believe you. Maybe Muriel has already gone home. See ya!

Ma: Stupid boy.

Eustace: (to Courage) Stupid dog.

Courage: Huh?

(Ma pulls out two orange flip-styled wigs from hammerspace. She gives them to Eustace and Courage.)

Ma: Here. Have these collectors' item wigs, courtesy of Growth Industries.

Eustace: (laughs)

Ma: Now, get out of here. (walks away, the door closes behind her)

Eustace: (puts the wig on over his hat) Hey! Not bad! (laughs and walks down the stairs towards his truck)

(Courage looks irritated and tosses away his wig. He looks around to make sure no one else sees him, then shoves himself into the building's mail slot. He pops out on the other side, looking like a pink envelope. The security guard at the front desk is fast asleep and doesn't notice. Courage pulls himself out of the envelope shape, and sneaks off towards a room. He opens the door and hears mechanical noises.)

Courage: (looks up towards the ceiling and gasps)

(We see Floyd, suspended in the air by a red aerial hammock that is moving towards the left side of the room. He wears a purple hospital gown.)

Floyd: (groans)

(He gets carried along for a while, then stops. A pair of robotic hands come down from the ceiling and begin roughly manhandling Floyd. Floyd yelps and groans as he is squeezed and slapped by the hands. The hands stop, and he is carried toward the left again. He passes under falling seeds, and some land on his head and back, despite him trying to shield himself. He then passes under falling drops of water, and gets soaked. Next, he passes by a pair of heat lamps. After a moment, a massive, white afro sprouts from his body. He stops moving, and is again drenched with water. More robotic hands drop down from above. One holds a bottle of shampoo, which it squirts all over Floyd's new hair. The hand tosses the bottle away, then both hands quickly and forcefully scrub the hair. Floyd is drenched with water again to rinse the shampoo. The robotic hands return with a hair dryer. One hand aims the dryer, while the other hand fluffs Floyd's hair until it dries. Now that Floyd's afro has twice the volume, he is brought to his final stop in the room. He is lifted closer to the ceiling, where dozens of other people have gotten the same treatment. They are all motionless, suspended from the air like slabs of meat in a butcher's freezer, and all have massive afros of various colors.)

Courage: (stares at the people, then screams)

Muriel: Courage, is that you?

Courage: (babbles and looks around for Muriel)

(Towards the back of the crowd of victims is Muriel, having gotten the same treatment as the other "volunteers." She waves at Courage.)

Muriel: Courage, over here!

Courage: (whimpers and shivers)

Muriel: (waves her arms and screams)

(The hair processing continues. A different victim is carried to another pair of robotic hands. One of the hands holds the man's hair while the other hand uses an electric razor to shave him bald. This process repeats for a few more people. The hair is collected in large bins on the floor, presumably to make more wigs.

Courage runs to Muriel, and jumps up to grab her leg. He starts climbing up onto her.)

Muriel: Oh, Courage. So good to see you.

(Ma and the two guards from earlier enter the room. Ma points at Courage.)

Ma: Get that dog!

Courage: Eeee! (jumps up onto the other people's hair)

(The guards climb up into the forest of hair and chase Courage. Courage ducks underneath two robotic hands. The guards dodge them as well. The group runs through the shower of seeds, torrent of water, and heat lamps. Courage puts on a pair of shades, while the guards shield their eyes from the lamps. Courage tosses away the shades, and notices the hands with the shampoo bottle. He barely misses getting squirted, and runs on ahead. The shampoo robot covers the guards in pink shampoo, then another hand lathers them up. They get rinsed down with more water, and hair springs forth from their bodies, covering them. They rip their new body-afros off and continue chasing Courage.)

Courage: (gasps)

(Courage looks up and sees one of the large hair dryers that that a robot was holding. He reaches up and grabs it, then turns it on. The dryer produces hot winds that blow the guards off of their feet, but they manage to hang onto the hair. They start climbing their way towards Courage.)

Courage: Oh, no!

(Courage looks up again and notices the fire sprinkler system on the ceiling. He points the hair dryer up at the sprinklers. Since the guards aren't being blown away anymore, they run towards Courage, but stop when the fire alarm starts to ring. The heat causes the sprinklers to turn on, spraying water everywhere. The hair "floor" starts to rumble, and suddenly begins growing larger, filling the room.

Ma stands by a lever on the wall, holding an umbrella to shield herself from the water.)

Ma: You stupid dog. (presses down on the lever; the sprinklers shut off)

(Courage is again chased by the guards. He dives into a random spot in the hair, and the guards follow. A pillar of hair forms from the impact. The pillar starts to violently shake, and there is the sound of blows landing. The pillar bursts, revealing the two guards, tied up with hair, and very much unconscious.

A horn honks. Courage rides forward on a hay baler. As he drives over the hair, a trimmed line is left behind, and bits of hair spray from the ejector. He drives forward a bit before hearing something off screen.)

Muriel: (muffled) Courage? Courage, is that you?

Courage: Huh?

(Courage gets off of the baler and runs towards the noise. He pulls a giant comb from hammerspace, and parts the hair "floor" with it. Muriel is inside, now covered in bits of hair.)

Muriel: Oh, my!

Ma: You stupid, snooping dog! Get away from there! (runs towards them wielding a giant bristle hairbrush)

Courage: (screams)

(Courage covers Muriel back up in the hair, and she tries to protest, but her speech is muffled.)

Ma: (holds the brush behind her back and beckons Courage to come to her) Now, Courage. Come to Ma, like a good doggie.

(Courage shakes his head and dives into the hair. Ma follows. They pop back up in different spots.)

Ma: Courage.

(They duck back into the hair and re-emerge in different spots.)

Ma: I only want to pet you.

(Courage shakes his head again. They duck out of sight and pop up in different spots.)

Ma: (holding a dog bone) I have a doggie treat.

(They duck down. Ma pops back up alone, and searches for Courage. Courage emerges from Ma's hair. Ma looks up and sees him, then waves her brush at him.)

Ma: Get out of there! That's my hair!

Courage: (screams and runs away; Ma's wig comes off with him)

(Ma drops her brush and feels her bald scalp.)

Ma: My hair. My hair is gone. I'm ugly. Ugly! Ugly! (cries and runs away)

(Muriel's arm bursts out of the hair, and she waves it around.)

Muriel: Courage, are you still there?

Courage: Muriel? (rips Ma's wig off of his head) I'll save you!

(Courage hums a fanfare tune, and pulls an electric razor from hammerspace. He babbles as he jams the razor into the hair. It clips away for a few feet until Courage reaches Muriel.)

Muriel: Thanks, Courage. Everything was getting so fuzzy.

(Courage carries Muriel towards a window and tries to open it. A Growth Industries guard runs up from behind and leaps at them. Courage notices, then tosses Muriel up into the air. He quickly ducks, and the guard smashes through the window, leaving a big hole. Sirens can be heard approaching the building. Muriel drops back down and lands in the hair, covering her even more.)

Muriel: Oh! (pops back up from the hair) Oh, my.

(A ladder is placed up against the window from outside. On the ground below, a fireman speaks into a megaphone.)

Fireman: This is the Fire Department! Evacuate the building!

(Courage holds Muriel over his head and carefully climbs down the ladder. Nearby, a black limo is parked. In the backseat are the Growth Industries board director and Ma. The director looks displeased. Ma is still crying and clutching her scalp.)

Ma: Ugly. Ugly!

(The director rolls the window up and the car pulls away.)

Muriel: Ah, Courage, you're a cream rinse, you are. (hugs Courage)

Courage: Huh?

(Later, at the farmhouse, Courage uses a pair of tweezers to remove all the bits of hair that were stuck to Muriel. Muriel sits in her chair and drinks some tea. Suddenly, Eustace bursts through the door. His whole body is covered in thick brown hair.)

Eustace: (laughs)

Muriel: Eustace, what happened to you?

Eustace: (holds up two large stacks of cash) Money! (continues to laugh)