Courage the Cowardly Dog
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Courage the Cowardly Dog

This article is a transcript of the Courage the Cowardly Dog episode "Cabaret Courage" from season 4, which aired on November 15, 2002.

Music

The Great Fusilli Theme

Hollowood Theme
This transcript is incomplete.

ST AUG}

-We interrupt this program to bring you

(THEME song)
Courage the Cowardly Dog show!
- Starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog!

-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

Abandoned as a pup,

he was found by Muriel,

who lives in the middle of Nowhere

with her husband Eustace Bagge.

EU ST ACE GRUNT S}

-But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere.

- It's up to Courage to save his new home.

-(SCREAMING)

Stupid dog! You made me look bad!
-(EUSTACE YELLS)

-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

Courage, look.

Delores Delores.

It's a perfect fit.

Such a lovely actress.

Wens)

EUSTACE". Stupid, girly-handed dog!

(LAUGHS)

Hey!

Watch where you're going, you fool!

I make sure you never

work in this town again!

Eh. Lousy hippie.

Come on! Let's get going.

To think I walked on the same

sidewalk as Delores Delores.

-(Dl-LUNG KISSING)

- EUSTACE: Yeah, yeah. Let's go!

Isn't Hollowood just the most

magical place on Earth?

Nope.

Come on, Eustace. Look around.

Don't all the lights make you

want to say, "Hollowood, I'm yours!"?

(SEWER LID RATTLING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

No!

(LAUGHING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL GROANING)

(MOANING)

Maybe this is one of those tours.

Of what? The stars' sewer system?

(TEETH CHATTERING AND WHIMPERING)

(SCREAMS)

Oops!

Don't be scared, Courage.

It's only a--

Creature in the wall.

Creature in the... (SCREAMS)

Welcome to Hollowood Cabaret.

I'm your host, your MC,

your audience for tonight's show.

What's the cover charge?

There is no cover charge.

In that case, start the show and bring

me some chopped meat.

(GRUMBLING) Ah, yes.

The show will begin soon.

You are the entertainment

for this evening.

(SCREAMING) No!

I don't do no entertaining.

Oh, I'm prepared to

compensate you for your talent.

If I like your performance,

I will give you...

A solid-gold truck.

Happy birthday to me.

(LAUGHING)

Where's the spotlight?

(SINGING "SWANEE RIVER" BADLY)

Give me my truck...

(CREATURE GRUMBLING)

(GURGLING AND MOANING)

Eustace never could sing.

-(SCREAMING)

-(SPLASHES)

-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

- Oh, my!

Your man gave me heartburn.

Let's move on to our next performer.

You, madam.

(PANICKED WHIMPERING)

I'm not really an entertainer.

I mean, I was the lead buttercup

in the middle school Flower Pageant.

But that was a long time ago.

If I like your performance,

I'll give you the life of one of

Hollowood's greatest legends.

It will be as if you

stepped inside the skin of...

Delores Delores.

Delores Delores!

(WHINING) No!

Courage, you're upstaging me.

Give me an F-sharp above high C.

(WHINING)

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL PIANO MUSIC)

Now, Courage, it's not

your turn to show off.

(STRIKING KEY)

(DOES VOCAL WARM-U P)

(SINGING "I'M CALLED

LITTLE BUTTERCUP" BADLY)

(GURGLING AND MOANING)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

-(SCREAMING)

-(SPLASHES)

(CREATURE MOANING)

(SCREAMS)

More heartburn.

(MOANING)

(PANICKED YELPING)

Would you like to perform for me, dog?

Uh-uh!

Oh, really? What if I offered you

1,000 pounds of the finest sirloin,

rare and extra juicy,

prepared by the world's

finest Croatian chef?

(WHIMPERING ANXIOUSLY)

(WHIMPERING QUESTIONINGLY)

You'd like your family back, would you?

Hmm.

What if I offered you a yard

filled with handmade Italian shoes,

crafted of the finest leather

by ancient artisans

for you to chew on

to your heart's delight?

(WHIMPERS IN DISAGREEMENT)

(WHIMPERS INSISTENTLY)

Look, dog. Perform for me.

If you please me,

I'll let you pick your prize.

And we'll see how

much it takes to buy you.

I'll take it!

Hmm.

I think I might enjoy this.

(TARZAN YELL)

(LAUGHS)

(TARZAN YELL)

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS)

Courage, save us!

I think we're getting digested.

CREATURE: Yes.

In a pool of my stomach acid.

All of this callous selfish behavior.

People selling themselves.

Their talent, their art.

For fame and fortune.

It makes me sick.

(STRAINING)

Oh!

(STRAINING)

(WHIMPERS HAPPILY)

EUSTACE: Hey, what about me?

What do I look like? Chopped liver?

(STRAINING)

What's-- Huh?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

(PANICKED WHIMPERING)

-(WHOOSHING)

-(SCREAMS)

OW! Ooh! Ooh!

So, you really don't

want a glamorous prize?

(WHIMPERS IN DISAGREEMENT)

You are only interested in

leaving here with your family?

(WHIMPERS IN AGREEMENT)

Ah. I've never encountered such

selfless, generous behavior.

(GURGLING) I, I--

(MOANING)

Courage, I think there's

something wrong with our host.

Yeah, he's a lousy host.

I think he's having some sort of seizure.

MY, my heart,

over there, in the middle of the room.

-(HEART BEATING)

-(EKG BEEPING)

Courage, do something.

We can't just let him suffer.

(WHIMPERS IN DISAGREEMENT)

Courage!

Wens)

-(MOANING)

-(EKG CONTINUES BEEPING)

-(EKG FLATLI N ES)

-(GASPS)

(TARZAN YELL)

Oh!

(GRUNTING)

-(HEART BEATING)

-(EKG BEEPS)

(GASPS) Yay!

Courage, you did it!

You got his heart going good and regular.

(GROANS)

You, you saved your family,

and then you saved me.

I had forgotten that anyone

could be so giving, so generous.

My heartburn is gone.

L, I feel, I feel...

Optimistic!

(NERVOUS WHIMPERING)

(QUACKS)

I think he's getting back to his old self.

Whatever his old self was.

Huh?

I was so bitter, so disgusted

with people's callousness,

that I became an ulcer in my own stomach.

But you've freed me.

How can I ever thank you?

Well, I wouldn't mind finishing the song.

Just for the love of singing.

I'd like that very much.

I wouldn't.

(DOES VOCAL WARM-U P)

Oh!

Hold it, fat lady.

(SINGING "I'M CALLED

LITTLE BUTTERCUP" BADLY)

(SCREAMING)

Oh!

(SPLASHES)

Hmm.

Ew!

Huh?

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