Courage the Cowardly Dog
Courage the Cowardly Dog

This article is a transcript of the Courage the Cowardly Dog episode "Freaky Fred" from season 1, which aired on December 3, 1999.

Freaky Fred's Theme
Bagge Farmhouse
This transcript is complete. Only minor corrections and formatting are needed.
[After the intro, the episode fades with an overview camera shot of a bus heading down a straight, narrow road in the middle of nowhere. The camera then changes to view Fred sitting alone on the bus, cast in shadows which leaves only his eyes visible.]

Fred Narration:

Hello, new friend. My name is Fred.
The words you hear are in my head.
I say, I said my name is Fred,
and I've been... very naughty.

[The scene then changes to inside the Bagge home, watching as Muriel makes the bed.]
Muriel: I can't wait for that wee lad Fred to arrive!
Eustace: [Working on the bathroom door lock with Courage handing him tools] That freak's not setting one freaky foot in this house!

Fred Narration:

The story I'm about to tell,
I tell you, I will tell it well,
is of my dear aunt Muriel,
and just how I've been... naughty.

Eustace: The freak's a barber. A freaky barber! With his own freaky barber shop! Where freaky things happen. Freaky barber things! [Courage shakes nervously as Eustace speaks]

Fred Narration:

Voila! The farm! My aunt lives here
with precious pup, and husband dear.
My heart beat fast as I drew near.
I felt so nice – and naughty.

Muriel: [Fluffing a pillow as the doorbell rings] Oh! That must be Fred!

[Muriel walks past Courage, who is imagining all types of monsters waiting behind the door.]

Fred Narration:

I thought just how excited they
must be that I would come today.
They'd shout "Come, Fred! Huzzah! Hooray!
Dear boy – you look so... naughty."

Muriel: [Opens the door.] Ah Fred, me dear nephew. What brings you to our cozy corner of the world?

Fred: Holiday. [Gives his trademark wide smile.]

Muriel: Courage, come and meet Fred!

[Courage silently peeks at Fred, Fred looking towards Courage.]

Fred Narration:

That's when my tired eyes beheld
a doggy dog. Like dog he smelled.
D-O-G is what he spelled,
and that's how I spell... "naughty."

Courage: [Quietly whines as he sits next to Fred.]

Eustace: [Coming down the stairs.] Gotta go the hardware store and get the... y'know, fix the bathroom door. Just don't try shutting it, cause you won't be able to get it open.

Muriel: Eustace, our guest is here. [Fred turns around to look at Eustace.] Say hello to Fred.

Eustace: [Silently stands by the door until Muriel gives a slight nod.] Yeah... [Sits down beside Fred on the chair.] Hiya... [Pulls out his Nowhere News newspaper from underneath the chair.] [Mumbling.] Freak.

Courage: [He inspects a band on Fred's wrist, which reads: "HOME FOR FREAKY BARBERS" Underneath, it reads "CALL 555-1234." Courage quietly freaks out and faces Muriel, acting out Fred's wristband.]

Muriel: Courage, shush now. You must be exhausted, Fred dear. Would you like to freshen up?

Fred: [Rubs his chin.] Yes. Been quite a trip, it has.

Muriel: Show Fred the bathroom please, Courage.

Courage: [Shakes his head repeatedly while howling "No"]

Muriel: Such a fuss! This rudeness won't do.

Courage: Okay, I'll do it, but I won't like it.

Eustace: [Stands up after Fred and Courage head upstairs] Okay, I'm going. Freak...

Muriel: Eustace dear, could you do me a favor? [Eustace stops at the door.] I forgot to give Fred fresh towels. [Holds up a stack of towels.] Could you bring him some?

Eustace: [He shudders in disgust, heading upstairs with the towels. He stops and talks to Courage, waiting outside the bathroom door.] You give them to the freak!

[Courage again howls "No," cut off as Eustace throws the towels at him, knocking him into the bathroom and Eustace slams the door.]

Eustace: Whoops. [He laughs as he hears Courage freak out behind the locked door, howling and clawing.]

Muriel: [Approaching from the stairs.] I heard the door slam.

Eustace: The door slammed.

Muriel: Oh.

[Inside the bathroom, Courage is seen yanking on the door handle, stopping to look at Fred, who is sitting across the room on the toilet as he flashes his smile.]

Eustace: Well, I guess I better get.

Muriel: [Speaking to the bathroom door.] Now don't you boys worry, Eustace will be back soon to get the door open.

Fred Narration:

[As Courage shakes against the door]
Alone was I, with tender Courage,
and all his fur, his furry furrage,
which, I say, did encourage,
me, to be... quite naughty.

Fred: Courage... [Courage gasps from fear.] Your hair. [Courage gasps again.]

Fred: It reminds me of the first time I knew just how I felt about hair.

[Fred Yanks down the shower curtain.]

Fred Narration:

[A portrait appears of a pink hamster within a cage.]
It was a day I'd not forget.
The day that I first met my pet.
Oh, what a lovely gift to get.

[Courage shivers on the toilet.] [Back to the portrait.]

Fred Narration:

I'd never felt so... naughty.

[Drapes the curtain around Courage.]

Fred Narration:

My fuzzy friend is what he was,
this darling little ball of fuzz.

[Fred digs around in his bag and pulls out his portable shaver. He turns it on, which causes Courage to try and run, but he holds him back by placing his free hand on his shoulder.]

Fred Narration:

And oh, such fuzz, such fuzz, it does
demand that I be... naughty.

[The portrait changes, the hamster now looking at the viewer, or Fred in this case.]

Fred Narration:

He looked at me, his fetching eyes,
and fetching fur did hypnotize,
and filled with joy, and filled with sighs,
and that's when I got... naughty.

[The hamster is now shaved completely bare, with an expression of anger. Fred is lost in thoughts until he hears Courage whines. Noticing he's gone, he lifts the toilet lid, where Courage is currently hiding.]

Fred: Now, now... [Reaches in and grabs Courage by his tail.] You shouldn't play in the toilet.

Muriel: [Sitting outside the bathroom door in her rocking chair, knitting.] Don't worry boys, Eustace should be at the hardware store by now!

[The scene cuts to Eustace inside his idle truck, happily reading his Nowhere News newspaper.] [The scene changes back to the bathroom, Fred holding up Courage who is soaking wet, a mohawk shaved onto his head.]

Fred Narration:

This dripping hair, this droopy curl...

[He shakes and drops Courage back onto the toilet as he walks towards the bathroom window.]

Fred Narration:

Unfurls sweet memories of a girl,
whose tresses, oh, they'd twist and twirl,
and tempt me to be... naughty.

[A new portrait appears, of a young girl with long, blonde hair. She wears a loving expression.]

Fred Narration:

Barbara, my love was named,
and her fair hair, a mane untamed.
Until one evening – I'm ashamed –
I got a little... naughty.

[Fred begins to psychotically shave Courage as a creepy choir loudly sings "La la la" to Fred's theme. Courage is seen screaming, but he is drowned out by the music and trimmer.]

Fred Narration:

The look upon my young love's face
was sweet as lace.
But in this case,
I realized she...

[Fred turns off his trimmer. The portrait changes, the girl now shaved bald. Her expression is now furious.]

Fred Narration:

Needed space.

Fred: I never more was naughty. Well... maybe not never.

[Fred then notices Courage trying to escape through the sink drain, pulling him out. Courage is now half shaven, the only fur remaining being on his lower half.]

Fred: Playful little scamp. [He places Courage back on the toilet once more.]

Muriel: [Knocking on the bathroom door, holding pancakes.] Is everything alright in there?

[She places her ear against the door as Courage cries, spotting him desperately clawing underneath the door. She places the pancakes down on the floor, Courage pulling them in.]

Muriel: Just can't wait for those pancakes, can you? [Courage yells as Fred grabs him once again, echoing outside the bathroom door.] Wonderful! Eustace should be back any moment now.

[Courage desperately knocks against the door, screaming.] [The scene briefly changes to Eustace lounging on the beach.]

Fred: [Waving a pancake in his right hand.] No need for panic. Behold sustenance, hungry whelp!

[He stuffs the pancake into Courage's mouth, who swallows with strain. Fred picks him up and Courage pulls out a phone, trying to eye Fred's wristband phone number, but his suit cuff covers it up. Courage gets two more pancakes shoved into his mouth, but pulls off Fred's wristband and hides it.]

Fred Narration:

[As he "shoves" the pancake into Courage's mouth.]
Dear cur, your fur and fleece remind
of nothing found in humankind.
But for one fellow, who did find
me – to be... in a certain mood.

[The scene changes to an actual scene, Fred in his barbershop. A long bearded man stands in his doorway.]

Fred Narration:

Into my shop he walked one day,
with bush above and beard bouquet.
That's no toupee, I pray... no way
I could help but be... you know...

[The bearded man is now sitting in the barber chair.]

Bearded Man: Just a trim, partner.

[The man leans back, Fred sweating nervously over him.]

Fred Narration:

I'd never seen such hair before!
His bangs, they sang!
His neck, it beckoned!
Eyebrows, armpits, all were reckoned!
Soon I figured, "What the heck?" and –
Guess how I was... naughty...

[The scene comes back to Courage, being shaved in the sink, howling all the while. We catch sight of Muriel outside the door, now watching TV. Courage screams, the last bit of fur shaved from his back paw. Fred drops Courage with a shrug, twirling from satisfaction. Courage pulls out the wristband, dialing the number and conversing with the employee on the other end quietly before he gets picked up once again. The scene changes back to Eustace, now asleep in a movie theater. We catch another glimpse of Muriel, impatiently tapping her fingers and eyeing her watch, waiting for Eustace to return.]

[Courage is sitting on the toilet, nearly shaven completely. Fred, sitting on the edge of the tub, beckons Courage, his shaver still buzzing. Courage notices the only fur left being on his tail, shielding it and yammering in protest. Fred continues beckoning him, causing Courage to howl in protest once more.]

Fred: Sweet pooch, afraid I'll shave your tail? Why, now, that would be weird!

[Sirens wail from outside, Fred closely listening and shutting off his shaver, but his smile remains. He peers out the windows as van doors are heard being slam.]

Unknown Voice: Surround the area! Cut the power, we don't want anyone getting shaved in there!

Fred: Ah... So ends our little story...

Courage: [Laying exhausted on the toilet.] What took them so long?

[The door is bashed two times before falling on the third hit, two big muscled men rush in with an orange blanket as the scene goes to black.]

[The scene resumes as Fred is lead into the back of a white van by the two men, restrained by the blanket in a straight jacket-like fashion. The previous "La la la" music replays in the background.]

Fred Narration:

But then my landlords did presume
to free me from that porcelain tomb.

[Muriel waves to Fred as Courage stands beside her.]

Fred Narration:

And ferry to a private room
your hero, ever doughty...

[Fred grins his tooth-bearing smile again.]

Muriel: What a lovely visit! Too bad Eustace didn't get to say goodbye.

[The van starts and drives off, Muriel waving once more to Fred.]

Fred Narration:

Goodbye dear aunt, I'll miss your farm,
and Eustace's ebullient charm.
And farewell, Courage! What's the harm,
if I was slightly... naughty?

[Courage looks towards behind him, noticing a message on his butt. It reads...]

Fred Narration:

With love, Fred!